Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I Am Demon

In "Demon of God" common demon visualization is challenged with phrases such as, "I am angel. / I am light. / I am demon . . . Demon of God" (Beorh 12).  Perhaps this demon, of the dark and mysterious nature of God, does God's work, destroying, cleaning up.  "Be not afraid," this demon says (Beorh 12).

There is a dark part within myself that I embrace even though I may have been told that, like a demon, it is bad.  It is the part that:

Destroys relationships to rebuild or abandon.
Guts a room of excess clutter. 
Leaves most of my possessions to maintain mobility.
Forms addictions, seeks addictions, withdraws from addictions (including emotional).
Writes about violence, death, fear. 
Reads about violence, death, fear.
Avoids my family. 
Likes isolation.
Gives up.
Enjoys danger.
Participates in drama.
Is pessimistic.
Is blunt. 
Gets angry.
Weeps until hollow. 

What experiences are needed to fully evolve, to get as close to ourselves and therefore as close to God as we possibly can?  How does His darkness enhance His light? 

1 comment:

  1. I wrote this poem just after I returned from India in 1992. I felt lost, but at the same time empowered. Your words about this piece are good.

    I was a good boy in my youth who loved God, though my faith was very shallow, and my secret that no one knew was my observation that if Jesus was so powerful and was indeed God, why did He allow them to kill Him? An observation coming as a temptation for me to leave the One I had loved all of my life. I eventually did leave Him, when I was in my late 20s, because I wanted to taste the world in all of its filth and anger and restlessness. I longed for a life of darkness... one that had tempted me since I was a child. I decided to take that life, and explore it. I did not come back to Jesus until I was nearly fifty years old. I left Him, left His call to holiness and perfection, for over 20 years. So many wasted years. I am sorry. But my reprieve is now, and now can be forever... if I will believe it can.